Welp. Probably should update this. I was offered the job Wednesday and accepted. I'll be starting on March 11. Words can't even begin to describe how thankful I am. I know it won't be perfect, nor do I expect it to be but I do know it will be much better than my last work place.

Updates to come when I begin working. 

All praise, glory and honor go to God. No one else deserves any credit. Not even myself.

I wanted to spend a couple minutes to update my life in this form before tomorrow morning. Since October, life has really been an up and down roller coaster of emotions and that's just not who I am. That peace which transcends understanding did come and it came in such a wave of convictions of humbling myself. Although that peace blog was about something very specific, it's relatable to other areas in my life as well. I've been jobless since December 7th when I walked out in the most epic fashion, according to others. Along with wedding stuff for Emily (don't get me wrong, this was good - just busy), job things, basketball and Anna my life was kind of being flipped in a crazy fashion and I didn't know what to do. I spent a lot of time (figuratively) on my knees before The Throne praying and pleading for clarity, direction, peace...you name it. 

Quite honestly, once I quit that job I felt so good and this time of unemployment has not been spent in fear or anxiety. Not a second and I mean that. I genuinely think people think I'm just saying words when I say, "If God wants me to have this job, I will have it." I know this in my head and believe it in my heart but yet, I find myself learning things over and over again. God is Sovereign. I have nothing to fear because He holds my life. I praise Him in the good and the bad, no matter what. My circumstances do not dictate how in control, loving, merciful, graceful, faithful...you name it that He is. He always is. It's I that waver like shifting shadows. Not Him.

As far as a job update, I don't believe I've written it here and this is really what I wanted to update about. 

I quit my job Dec. 7. 
I had an interview Jan. 10 with RBC ministries (I didn't really begin looking until January...Christmas time was a great time to be jobless.)
Got a call Feb. 5 for a second interview. Before I left for the second interview my parents came down and prayed with me. My phone was near by, so I snapped a quick picture because that's what I do. It just isn't like my family to have moments like that but it's something I treasured. It's a blessing to have loving parents who support you.

And not to mention simply being a part of the body of Christ. Not many know I'm unemployed and have been but the ones that do know have been so faithful at remembering if I tell them something and asking follow up questions/saying they are praying for me. It's a serious blessing. It isn't a personal thing if you didn't know, it's just not something I naturally do...starting a conversation about myself to someone. If it came up in conversation, I would more than willing fill people in but my non-natural-gut-spilling-self didn't pass it along. I don't know, maybe that's restricting people that may have prayed. I don't know. Either way, I know I'm well loved and supported. There's no doubt in my mind about that.

Right before the interview Dad sent me this. I love that guy. 

I honestly didn't think the interview could have gone any better and waited again...

Feb. 18 got a call,  "You are the only one that we are passing along. So it's very good news, but we like you to meet our H. R Director, before we make any full time offers." There was more in the message but that's the gist of it. I was in the car with my mom when I heard the message on the way to get pedicures. She said my nostril was doing something it does when I get upset  (for the record, I don't know what she's talking about and I wasn't upset) and she was about to turn the car around. I can guarantee you my mom probably would've cried if she heard at the moment I wasn't getting it.) They left that voicemail, I missed the call because my phone is always on silent and I do mean always. I had a short conversation with my mom, then called dad. After hanging up with dad, I sent a text message then called my grandparents.

I called my grandma's phone but my grandpa answered. Grandma must have been in the middle of something because I heard her in the background. Anyway. Grandpa and I chatted...well, he talked and I listened for 22 minutes before Grandma came back and I heard her ask, did she get the job? His response was, "we haven't gotten that far." He seriously talked about the most random things, the dentist, a car trunk sale they went to, fishing and I loved it. My mom kept motioning, just tell him but I didn't want to interrupt  I simply enjoyed listening and responding. You see, he isn't normally a chatty guy and when he is, nothing in the world would have me stop him from talking. He asked after grandma came back. I told him that's actually while I was calling. I filled him in and said it isn't official or anything yet but it's another step. He then spoke a little bit about they have been praying for me (which I'm so thankful to know prior to that moment because they always make it known and I love that) and how proud he is of me. About 100% of the time, I'd stop anyone from talking like that about me but not him. When he speaks, it's not because he thinks he needs to say something or feels it's the time, it's because that's really what he thinks and he wants to share. A complete genuineness. After hanging up with him, the only thought rolling around my mind was, job or no job, I will treasure that conversation with my grandpa over any career or job I will ever have. 

Almost 3 years ago, he almost died again but God healed him...again.

I treasured moments with him before but in the last couple years, I've treasured them even more. This past summer, I was able to sub in and golf for my aunt when she couldn't golf with grandpa during couples golfs and that time with him meant all the world to me. 

Why is that all relevant? It probably isn't to you or anyone else but it is to me. You see, tomorrow, 9.5 hours from now I'll be sitting in an office in a final step to possibly getting a job. I may get it. I may not. And yet, whatever the outcome, God is still going to be in control and I will still believe He has the best plan for my life (which doesn't necessarily mean it's an easy road) and I will still be blessed beyond what I deserve with the body of Christ supporting me. The first thing I did when I got a moment of silence was say a prayer for the other 2 candidates. Honestly, I'm not even sure why that was on my mind. I think I automatically put myself in their position and wanted to pray for them. I'm not saying that to point fingers at myself to say how holy I am, not at all. I know that was the Holy Spirit's prompting.

I digress. This post got long and wordy...per usual.

Will I be a little sad if I don't get it? I'd be lying if I said no but I think that's only human but that doesn't mean I question God in the slightest. And that is why my heart is full. Overflowing to the brim of thankfulness to my Savior who knows my inmost being. 

Until tomorrow, I guess.

I have my first girls name picked out. I have for awhile and it'll be a secret until she's born. The other day I heard a boys name I really liked. It's a name I had heard before but it really stood out to me then.

Confession. I watch The Bachelor. It's true but I'm pretty sure I've already confessed that. I particularly like this season because the guy was on last season of The Bachelorette and just didn't hide his faith. I stumbled upon his sister's blog and has been following it for awhile and I love it. She doesn't hide her faith either and their family is just so cute. I love it even more now that he is The Bachelor and she posts recaps of it the next day. Also, I got a twitter which was going to be confessed in tomorrow's random post...but I got it mostly to follow people. Anyway, Monday nights watching The Bachelor and refreshing Twitter have me cracking up so hard some times. Tonight I took some screenshots. 

Just some good stuff. Dana Weiss is probably the funniest person I will never meet. 

That is all. I felt like that needed to be shared as my stomach still hurts from cracking up. 

Philippians 4:4-9

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

For the first time in a couple months, I am at peace about a situation I didn't see coming and quite frankly would not have chosen. Why? Honestly, I'm not completely sure - probably why God calls it the "peace of God, which transcends all understanding" but I do know through my study of James 4 for personal devotions, studying Exodus 1-2 for teaching SS and this morning (technically yesterday morning) service God has been confronting me with my own stubbornness and pride. It feels good to be broken. It feels good to be confronted. It feels good to be honest and humble before the Lord, even though He already knows. 

The situation isn't anymore resolved then it was but letting go of what I think I'm owed is a peaceful transition. I'm owed nothing by anyone. I genuinely feel at peace and it's a great place to be. I don't think that means the hurt and the missing goes away but despite that, I know the God of peace is with me. Was He before I chose to grasp on to it? Absolutely. I'm thankful He's patient with me. I'm thankful despite my inconsistency and having to learn the same lessons time and time again, He is continually faithful. The word I continually come back to is relinquished. Not in any means that I've given up on the situation/person but I've relinquished it in prayer to Him. 

Peace. Real not contrived peace in Christ Jesus. 

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edit.

I was reading in James 5 today and for some reason went back to James 4. It was pretty monumental in my life at this moment and for whatever reason decided to open my study Bible and read some footnotes. This one hit the nail on the head.

We tend to think that doing wrong is a sin. But James tells us that in is also not doing right. It is a sin to lie; it can also be a sin to know the truth and not tell it. It is a sin to speak evil of someone; it is also a sin to avoid them when you know know they need your friendship. We should be willing o help as the Holy Spirit guides us. If God has directed you to do a kind act, render a service, or restore a relationship, do it. You will experience a renewed and refreshed vitality to your Christian faith. 

Feb. 9, 2005. 8 years ago, to the day, I joined Xanga. As a Junior in HS, Xanga was where it was at and everyone had one. It was the Facebook of the time but slowly faded out with the changes of time. I faded here and there but found myself continually coming back. Honestly, I'm thankful I did and have - so much of my life is documented here. VERY low moments in my life and very high ones. Moments and feelings that never escaped my lips but the keys of my keyboard heard. I've been thankful the popularity of Xanga, at least amongst the initial hype has faded, it has made it easier to be more honest and open here. Although, even then, with probably 5 people I know that read this - I still reserve some things. I'm just not the kind of person, at least I don't think so, that you'd say is an open book. Quite honestly, I'm not a gut-spiller, talking kind of person. I listen and that's what I like to do. If you read this blog, you probably think I'm a very wordy, dramatic person.

Anyway, not sure where that was going. I just felt it necessary to commemorate today with something. 8 years is a long time to have stuck with something and I know I'm thankful for the insight into myself somedays. Where I can look back, in a very real way, read things I've written and see the what I've come through and ways I've grown stronger in my walk with the Lord. 

That's all. Nothing profound. Sorry. 

I really enjoy cooking. Always have and always will.Not so much baking. I've never been that great at following baking recipes for some reasons. I love cooking because I can take away and add as I please. That being said just to post some pictures of things I've made recently...because I can.

In our house a mushroom only shows up when and if I buy it myself. I love mushrooms! Portobello Mushroom Pizzas. Oh and boiled cabbage. Also something I've had to continually ask to be purchased. My mom HATES the smells when I make it. It doesn't phase me in the slightest. 

This was a HUGE hit with the family. Mom is actually begging me to make them again. Chicken, cream cheese mixture, wrapped up in dough. No such thing as dry chicken with this. It's almost a simpler recipe for my Chicken Bundles I make...almost. 

Here's another thing that wouldn't enter the house unless I purchased it myself. Kale. I have been seeing this on cooking shows over and over again. Yes, I watch cooking shows. Actually other than some select shows, Food Network Channel is my default channel. Anyway, curiosity got the best of me. I bought kale and made Kale Chips. Easy, healthy and in my opinion tasty. I'm not sure I'd give it a "chip" status though. A good snack though. Although this probably just looks like a bunch of kale - don't be fooled, it has been cooke.

In my opinion you can't go wrong with sautéed onions and any kind of meat. 

Quite honestly, if I needed to ever be a vegetarian I could probably do it. I could eat fruits and veggies quite often and not get bored. Roasted cauliflower, broccoli and onions is seriously delicious to me. 

And last but not least. Some dessert.

First Snow Icecream. RIDICULOUSLY easy. I mean, ridiculously and ready in seconds. It's no substitute for Breyer's Vanilla but honestly, it's actually quite good and is a huge hit with the nephews.

And for real, last but certainly not least. This has kind of become my signature dessert. Anytime mom wants me to make a dessert, it's this...lets be honest, it isn't cookies. Desserts are just not my speciality but these Knock You Naked Brownies definitely are...I've got it down to an art. For good reason, too. A pan never last more than a day in our house but then again, not many things do. I got a dozen cupcakes from my aunt on Wednesday, I ate 2 - 1 whole one and 2 1/2's to try the other flavors. The next time I saw the batch, there were 2 left. Thursday morning when I went upstairs they were no where to be found. The "I didn't eat them" fairy visited again but lets be honest, I didn't need more than I had already eaten. I digress. Knock You Naked.

They are soo ooey and gooey! I remember the first time I made them they were hard to eat - still good but I think my jaw (and the Strayhorn's jaws) had a serious exercise. Not sure why. Not anymore though but you still need a glass of milk handy when devouring.

If your mouth doesn't salivate a little after looking at the next picture, you may be inhuman. Just sayin', there is no shame in it.

That's it. Just felt like sharing those for some reason. I miss living in an apartment like at Spring Arbor and in California where I cooked a lot more frequently than I do now. Being jobless has opened the door again, at least a little to do some but basketball usually keeps me on the go for dinner. 

I made reference to this story in this blog and haven't actually shared the story. 

A semi-long story short, mom and I were in Bolivia when this happened. We were eating at a restaurant and the waiter brought something in a glass for each of us, which neither of us knew what it was, I might add. I being braver than my mom took a sip. I was instantly absolutely disgusted. I was pretty sure it was alcohol. Mom took a sip. Yep, it was and she despised it as well. 

I emailed relatives that night (like I did most nights to give updates on our day and progress) and told them this additional story not thinking anything about it. 1. I was 13. 2. I really disliked it. 

Upon arriving home, I was summoned to talk with my Uncle (for a completely different reason but I was in trouble for…obeying my mom) and also by Grandma. At both hearings, I didn't know prior to it that I was going to get spoken to about something "bad" I had done. 

I went over to grandma's house and she sat me down on her couch. I remember thinking upon arrival 1. she is being incredibly serious and 2. wondering why. She started off by asking me, "My dear Boppy, why did you put the snake in your pants?" Being 13, I chuckled and said, "What?" Grandma was in disbelief that I had never heard the story. So she began while and keep in mind, I have NO IDEA why she's telling me this story. 

Once there was a man and a snake on top of a mountain. The man was about to take his trek down the mountain when the snake said to him, "Sir, please put me in your pants and take me down the mountain with you." The man replied, "No, I won't do that. You're a snake and will surely bite me." The snake argued that he wouldn't bite him and just wanted the man to help him out and bring him down the mountain. After going back and forth about it, the man decided he would bring the snake down, so he put the snake in his pants and began the trek down the mountain. Once the man reached the foot of the mountain, the snake bit him. The man frustratingly proclaimed, "You said you weren't going to bite me. Why did you do that?" The snake replied, "You knew what I was when you put me in your pants." 

The End. 

Obviously a story that doesn't leave you with any questions. (jk, of course) Imagine being 13 and listening to this…1. a talking snake? 2. did the stupid man have a backpack he could put the snake in…why his pants? I still find these flaws in said story. I sat there nodding and trying not to laugh while she told the story. I was obviously clueless to why this story was being shared and she could tell, so she continued. "My dear Boppy, when you took that drink you knew what you were drinking." There I am sitting…what drink is she talking about? I'm pretty sure I wasn't good at pretending like I knew what she was talking about, so she continued…"Alcohol is….." fill in the blank with every reason why it's bad. I cut her off, "Oh grandma! I'm not an alcoholic. I didn't know what it was and it was horrible!" I seriously said this, as a 13 year old to my grandma. She then referenced the snake in your pants story to tie it in with my addiction. "You knew what the alcohol was when you put it in your body, just like the man and the snake." I still, to this day, struggle to see the connection.  

You just have to love grandma. 

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My uncle's talk to me was about an email I had sent verbatim to what my mother wanted me to write. This was 12 years ago when computers were really beginning. My mom didn't know how to use one really, so she had me send stories and updates. It was a group email to everyone on the Bolivia committee and she wanted me to write, "Mom says, get your butts down here." So I did. I got home and was reamed into about how I was disrespecting my mom and being arrogant. Really.  I remember crying during it thinking I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not entirely sure how it all went down. I got home one day from school and my uncle was waiting just there waiting for me. To this day, my mom is furious that she and my dad allowed it to happen. As they should be. 

Anyway, I was obviously a rebellious child. My huge drinking problems and obeying my mother. With that pointless blog, I go to bed.

I love being in The Word and I love that I Iove it. I genuinely think it's something we, Americans, take for granted. The fact that it's so easily accessible to us. I'm writing this from my bed and currently I have not one or two ways I could read His Words but…six. All in arms reach. iPhone, laptop, iPad, NIV Bible, NLT Bible and a NASB study Bible. I kind of feel sick writing that.  There are people imprisoned for being Christians, who are and could be arrested for having segments of Scripture etc. and here I sit, in the comforts of my home with six "Bibles" in reach and I find days where I "don't have time" to be in His Word. I often wonder what the imprisoned Christians or restricted believers in other countries would think if they had an insight into our "hard" lives as believers. 

I digress. 

I also love when The Word convicts me and pulls at my heart strings. Well, it's a love/hate relationship because who really likes being confronted with their own short comings? I love, love that God continues to challenge me and refine me.

I have a girl on my basketball team who is, quite honestly, a habitual liar and all but 1 girl on the team can't stand her. For the most part, it isn't a secret either and I continually hone in on everyone being a part of the team etc., I can't get them to treat her the way they treat their other teammates. They aren't mean to her face (which I don't excuse) but if she asks for something, say, to borrow borrow warm up pants the person asks/cringes. If it was anyone else, they'd do it…in a heartbeat. 

I'd like to say I'm always 100% backing this kid and not giving into the rest of the team when they make fun of her, talk about her when she isn't around. As of late, her lies and manipulations have been off the walls. No excuse. I know. Last night before practice, this girl called me and told me she wasn't going to be on the team for insert a couple lies and maybe some truths. I waited until the end of practice to tell team, knowing they'd only talk about it/her negatively throughout practice and I didn't want that to be the focus. 

Anyway, I've been going through James lately and writing in my Journible (such a great Bible study tool…if you want one, let me know…I can get my hands on them for FREE). It was no coincidence today that I was on Chapter 3 about controlling the tongue. In my Bible prior to writing today by verses 9-12 was written "Perspective". Chapter 3 is about the ship and the rudder, the bit and the horse and how that small thing controls something so large. Anyway verses 9-12 read, "9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" 

I get it. I was convicted for sure. For myself and for the team. I thought I'd share it on our Facebook wall but decided against it for some reason. Tonight we had a game and the girl who is the only real friend with the girl that quit had devotions. I'll be honest, I've never been as impressed with team devotions as I was with her tonight and am kind of ashamed I didn't think of it. I was proud to be her Coach before but what she did took guts and probably conviction on her part. She started off with explaining how she wasn't going to play on the team at first but was convinced by other players and went into how we're all part of the team, despite what role we play (something I've talked about quite a bit…). She then went around the room asking about each person in the room, what would we do if this person quit the team? The obvious answer was to beg, convince them not to…and not one person, including myself did that or even cared to do that with the girl that quit. Insert more personal conviction…called out by a freshman in HS. That's humbling and a good reality check. 

It was then I shared my morning devotions and realized why I didn't write it on our Facebook wall. Neither of those were coincidence. Just another tangible way to see how God works things together perfectly. I often need that reminder. I'm thankful that He has provided His Words for us. A blessing, I often take for granted. 

Being a Coach is one of the hardest and most rewarding hats I've ever worn. Some days are absolutely pure enjoyable, no strings attached but most are uphill battles of continually seeking patience and not just flipping a lid on some of these kids. I swear they do things just to irritate me and I'm sure I was that kind of HS-er. I absolutely love coaching. It's such a good way for me to spend my time and energy investing in these girls. I know deep down what I'm doing matters but after some days, I really wonder if I'm meant to be a Coach. 

A week ago, Friday we played the team in the league the parents, team and myself cannot stand. This man humiliates us. We lose a lot but there's a difference with the way he treats us. The man has been put on probation by the league multiple times - just a real tool. Anyway. After the game, I was complementing my team on how they played. We lost. I knew we were going to but they didn't give up, had good attitudes and represented God, themselves and the school well. On multiple instances I was trying to get their attention. Finally, I dropped my clipboard and walked out. A couple minutes later one of the girls came up to me and said she was sent to say they were sorry or something like that…she said "or something like that" which didn't help. I went back, gave them a lecture and told them I will see them at practice the next morning (which I was going to cancel and they knew that). 

Saturday morning started out with 5 suicides. One player skipped, which was no surprise to me, owed me 6 suicides on Monday's practice before practicing. The 6th one was added for not showing up to practice and not telling me. In short she refused to run them and had a horrible attitude. I told her to sit down until she was ready. 10 minutes left in practice and she finally does them without a word to me. Only because I allowed one of my captains to try to talk her into running them. 

This Tuesday we had a game. Well, it's unfair to play a player who didn't practice two practices in a row and is disrespectful. It's unfair to the other players who show up to practice, work hard and have good attitudes. We should've won…even without the player but we could've used her. At half time I gave her the opportunity to make things right by confronting her because she would never suck up her own pride and do it herself. Lets just say that didn't go well.  

After the game, I told her in front of the team that she owes the team an apology and I wholeheartedly believe that. We certainly could've won, no questions asked if she would've turned her attitude around. But I will never make a win on a scoreboard more important than someones character. Believe me, that was incredibly hard. This player hurt the team by the attitude she chose. I keep telling myself that someday this may matter to this kid and she may be thankful but in the here and now, I just doubt it. I got a lengthy email from her after the game…telling me I should be humiliated. That just turns my stomach. It's constant blatant disrespect. 

Coaching is hard. Coaching HS girls is harder. It really is a challenge. There's so much ridiculous drama. One day this person is mad at this person and so on. It goes on with each of them which carries over to practices and games. I finally figure it out when whatever kid it is refuses to partner up/pass to/be on a team with whatever person they are mad at that day. 

It frustrates me that I lose more sleep over a loss and game like that. In a second, they turn around and are joking around. I was once told by a Coach I respect that as a Coach, you can't want it more than your team. It being winning. I can't help but want to win, even though I know that's not the basis of my success with them. Sometimes that's easier said than done.  Honestly, it makes me abundantly thankful for the people that played such a significant role in my life to get me through HS. People that invested in me, loved me, prayed for me through all my dramatic life altering (at the time ...and some was serious) drama. It makes me remember how much I appreciated them and even more so now, which in turn encourages me to continue to be patient with these kids and to continue challenging them. 

I know without a shadow of doubt I did the right thing in not playing her but that doesn't mean I didn't want to win. As difficult as some of those decisions are…remember, I not only face the players but this unfolds in front of their parents as well. Anyway, I really do love coaching. It isn't for everyone -- that's for sure but it's a good use of my time and energy. And gifts God has given me. I'm thankful for the opportunity to invest in these kids. Challenges and all. 

That was a bunch of rambling…just wanted to document that for some reason. Winning will never be my first priority. She may not ever see how that was me loving her but nonetheless, I won't regret the decision I made. With that, it's bedtime.