February 19, 2013

• Life.

  I wanted to spend a couple minutes to update my life in this form before tomorrow morning. Since October, life has really been an up and down roller coaster of emotions and that’s just not who I am. That peace which transcends understanding did come and it came in such a wave of convictions of humbling myself. Although that peace blog was about something very specific, it’s relatable to other areas in my life as well. I’ve been jobless since December 7th when I walked out in the most epic fashion, according to others. Along with wedding stuff for Emily (don’t get me wrong, this was good – just busy), job things, basketball and Anna my life was kind of being flipped in a crazy fashion and I didn’t know what to do. I spent a lot of time (figuratively) on my knees before The Throne praying and pleading for clarity, direction, peace…you name it. 

  Quite honestly, once I quit that job I felt so good and this time of unemployment has not been spent in fear or anxiety. Not a second and I mean that. I genuinely think people think I’m just saying words when I say, “If God wants me to have this job, I will have it.” I know this in my head and believe it in my heart but yet, I find myself learning things over and over again. God is Sovereign. I have nothing to fear because He holds my life. I praise Him in the good and the bad, no matter what. My circumstances do not dictate how in control, loving, merciful, graceful, faithful…you name it that He is. He always is. It’s I that waver like shifting shadows. Not Him.

  As far as a job update, I don’t believe I’ve written it here and this is really what I wanted to update about. 

  I quit my job Dec. 7. 
  I had an interview Jan. 10 with RBC ministries (I didn’t really begin looking until January…Christmas time was a great time to be jobless.)
  Got a call Feb. 5 for a second interview. Before I left for the second interview my parents came down and prayed with me. My phone was near by, so I snapped a quick picture because that’s what I do. It just isn’t like my family to have moments like that but it’s something I treasured. It’s a blessing to have loving parents who support you.

  

  And not to mention simply being a part of the body of Christ. Not many know I’m unemployed and have been but the ones that do know have been so faithful at remembering if I tell them something and asking follow up questions/saying they are praying for me. It’s a serious blessing. It isn’t a personal thing if you didn’t know, it’s just not something I naturally do…starting a conversation about myself to someone. If it came up in conversation, I would more than willing fill people in but my non-natural-gut-spilling-self didn’t pass it along. I don’t know, maybe that’s restricting people that may have prayed. I don’t know. Either way, I know I’m well loved and supported. There’s no doubt in my mind about that.

  Right before the interview Dad sent me this. I love that guy. 

  

  I honestly didn’t think the interview could have gone any better and waited again…

  Feb. 18 got a call,  ”You are the only one that we are passing along. So it’s very good news, but we like you to meet our H. R Director, before we make any full time offers.” There was more in the message but that’s the gist of it. I was in the car with my mom when I heard the message on the way to get pedicures. She said my nostril was doing something it does when I get upset  (for the record, I don’t know what she’s talking about and I wasn’t upset) and she was about to turn the car around. I can guarantee you my mom probably would’ve cried if she heard at the moment I wasn’t getting it.) They left that voicemail, I missed the call because my phone is always on silent and I do mean always. I had a short conversation with my mom, then called dad. After hanging up with dad, I sent a text message then called my grandparents.

  I called my grandma’s phone but my grandpa answered. Grandma must have been in the middle of something because I heard her in the background. Anyway. Grandpa and I chatted…well, he talked and I listened for 22 minutes before Grandma came back and I heard her ask, did she get the job? His response was, “we haven’t gotten that far.” He seriously talked about the most random things, the dentist, a car trunk sale they went to, fishing and I loved it. My mom kept motioning, just tell him but I didn’t want to interrupt  I simply enjoyed listening and responding. You see, he isn’t normally a chatty guy and when he is, nothing in the world would have me stop him from talking. He asked after grandma came back. I told him that’s actually while I was calling. I filled him in and said it isn’t official or anything yet but it’s another step. He then spoke a little bit about they have been praying for me (which I’m so thankful to know prior to that moment because they always make it known and I love that) and how proud he is of me. About 100% of the time, I’d stop anyone from talking like that about me but not him. When he speaks, it’s not because he thinks he needs to say something or feels it’s the time, it’s because that’s really what he thinks and he wants to share. A complete genuineness. After hanging up with him, the only thought rolling around my mind was, job or no job, I will treasure that conversation with my grandpa over any career or job I will ever have. 

  Almost 3 years ago, he almost died again but God healed him…again.

  

  I treasured moments with him before but in the last couple years, I’ve treasured them even more. This past summer, I was able to sub in and golf for my aunt when she couldn’t golf with grandpa during couples golfs and that time with him meant all the world to me. 

  

  Why is that all relevant? It probably isn’t to you or anyone else but it is to me. You see, tomorrow, 9.5 hours from now I’ll be sitting in an office in a final step to possibly getting a job. I may get it. I may not. And yet, whatever the outcome, God is still going to be in control and I will still believe He has the best plan for my life (which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s an easy road) and I will still be blessed beyond what I deserve with the body of Christ supporting me. The first thing I did when I got a moment of silence was say a prayer for the other 2 candidates. Honestly, I’m not even sure why that was on my mind. I think I automatically put myself in their position and wanted to pray for them. I’m not saying that to point fingers at myself to say how holy I am, not at all. I know that was the Holy Spirit’s prompting.

  I digress. This post got long and wordy…per usual.

  Will I be a little sad if I don’t get it? I’d be lying if I said no but I think that’s only human but that doesn’t mean I question God in the slightest. And that is why my heart is full. Overflowing to the brim of thankfulness to my Savior who knows my inmost being. 

  Until tomorrow, I guess.

  • 11:13 pm
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