January 7, 2013
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2012
I’ve never been big into the new year as my time to reflect. So much so, I decided to see when the last time I posted anything about a New Year was…2006. I do most of my reflecting, if you will, around my birthday – the start of another year in my own life.
But this year, I actually want to spend some time reflecting. Maybe it’ll be an every 6 year tradition or something? Probably not. Looking back (in memory and blogs) to a year ago, this isn’t how I would have chosen or expected this year to end.
• Jobless (which has only been a GREAT decision – just weird to be unemployed)
• I don’t know how to define this point. Not a day goes by I don’t commit it to prayer.
As much as I know all of 2012 wasn’t rough, the last couple months have been hard on my heart. Some of my greatest memories from the year make the ending ones harder. It’s a vicious cycle of bittersweet or sweetbitter. I’ve had more nights then I’d like to admit with my head on the pillow and tears streaming down my face.
I’m continuing to seek God for direction and peace which transcends all understanding . I know I’m not in control in the slightest. I wish that somehow made my heart stop hurting but it doesn’t. I’m still human and won’t feel badly for feeling. I can’t stop my heart from caring or loving – nor do I want to. I so desperately want things done in my timing but that only makes it harder. I rest, as I should, in His timing and His plan despite the pain and confusion. He is, thankfully, bigger than myself.
I know that probably seems like the worst reflection on the year but like I said, that comes more in depth in September but for now this will suffice. Here’s to 2013. A year of, I can honestly say, I have no idea and yet, I’m looking forward to seeing what God has in stored for this life.
