January 21, 2014
-
this week…and it’s only tuesday.
For the 2 people that read this, maybe more. This is me just writing, no pre-thought, no organization, no anything – just writing. So don’t read it if you wish to fix my grammar, analyze my sentence structure. (Even though, I still attempt to keep that somewhat intact.)
It’s only Tuesday and I’m really just…sad? …hurt for others? frustrated with myself?
Is that OK?
Yesterday I receive a phone call with a crying friend on the other end. Her 33 year old handicapped sister died. There’s something about being one of those friends a friend calls in a time like that. What can you do in that situation? Honestly. The only thing I know to do is, pray. My heart is burdened for her. I want to do more. I wish I could make it better for her. I know I can’t.
We had a rough basketball game last night. A really rough basketball game. My kids getting physically beat up on the court, cussed out, made fun of and just beaten physically. Tonight was another rough game. Not the same above but just beating themselves down. I had kids crying at half time. Going into the 4th quarter, though, I look down my bench and every.single.player is heads down and the ones on the court are simply trying to make it through. After the game we go into the locker room and they are defeated. The second you begin to inquire with these kids, they get quiet and this is what happened after the game. A couple minutes of silence and 4 of them are crying. 1 is divulging information about her life and others are upset. I assure them in my words that I love them and care for them. A couple more minutes of silence and I bring it before the Lord with them. During the prayer, I hear more of them break down.
Sigh. If I could sigh heavier, I probably would. Is it wrong to be burdened for them or with them? I just love and care for these kids so much. Some of the frustration was basketball related – frustrated with themselves and how they “can’t play basketball”, aren’t playing as a team/meshing together and losing game after game is difficult. As their coach, I feel a heavy burden as I know that’s partially, if not almost completely my responsibility to help them play with each other and work as a team. I feel like I’m failing them and I simply don’t know what to do. I so badly want to lift their burdens and carry them myself. To show them I love them somehow. To magically make it better. I know that doesn’t help them learn but it’s hard to see them hurting. As their coach, I know it isn’t completely my fault but it’s still partially my responsibility to mesh them, make it fun etc but even more so, I want to do that for them. In
10, 5 ,3(you get the point) years they aren’t going to look back and remember the scoreboard. Frankly. I care a thousand times more for them as people then how many points they put up, how many victories they get etc. I tell them this now and tell them as a senior in HS if a coach told me that, I would’ve laughed at them. I’m 8 years out, believe me. No one cares. No one cares or remembers what your record was…no one cares if you hold records at Algoma. Believe me, I loved growing up at Algoma but not a single soul outside of the Grand Rapids area (and that’s pushing it) knows about Algoma Christian School in Kent City, MI. It can help shape you and mold you – teach you lessons (and believe me, it did and I’m thankful and blessed I attended) but ripping yourself apart because you lose basketball games is really sad for me to see. I literally had kids tell me they should never play because the team would do better without them. I don’t care if you suck or you’re the star of the team – you are on the team and you are a valued member of it. End of story. I can’t make them see that.I really am struggling with this and am praying for wisdom.
Prayer is something I can do. Something that gives up the control in both and every situation. Praying. Praying. Praying. Getting the control out of my hands and into His is literally the best thing for any situation.
That’s my unedited, unsolved post.
goodnight world. tomorrow is a new day.
