September 16, 2013
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What’s Next [edited]
I stumbled upon this post via facebook and I actually really enjoyed it. Almost to the point that I’d share it on my facebook but I’m probably not going to. There were some things I would add and omit. My version of the original is below, see the above link for the original.
——————–“What’s Next?”
My brothers (well, can’t really speak to my eldest brother, so I’ll leave him out of this all together) recently had their last child which will more than likely complete their families. He’s older than me, so it makes sense that he’s at a different stage. He met and married his wife , they had kids, bought a dog and some chickens, all in a nice sequence, then they moved next door to my parents. I love watching them build their lives together. Since they’ve been married, I can honestly tell you, I’ve wanted a relationship like they have. It’s a really good thing.But now? I’m 26 years old, unmarried, and childless. The comments are continuing…
“What’s next?”
“When are you getting married?”
“Babies look good on you!”
“Better get started!”
“You can’t play hard to get forever!”I shouldn’t be overly concerned with what they’re saying and most of the time, I’m not. They’re only teasing or encouraging me with the next step in my life. It’s harmless and I know they want the best for me! No one means anything by it, it’s just time for me to be heading in the same direction as my peers. It makes sense. I get it and I feel it.
Believe me, I am fully aware that I am unmarried and childless. I’m aware that I’m getting older. For the first time, as I turn 26, I actually feel older. I’ve been aware that I haven’t followed the same patterns as my parents or my brother or many of my peers. I’m aware that my biological clock is ticking. I’m aware.
So when you — friends, family, acquaintances — remind me that I’m far behind where one would expect to be at my age, it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. I feel like I’m letting you down or making some horrible mistake.
Instead of relishing in the freedom, blessings and “limitless” possibilities that this stage of life offers me, I am left wondering if what I’m doing is worth anything. Like what I’ve done doesn’t really matter or what I’ve accomplished has no merit. Or who I’m impacting doesn’t really matter. When you comment on my life stage as if there was something I could do to change it, it makes me feel like I should try, as if that would help.
What if my ultimate goal has nothing to do with marriage or kids? What if my aim was to love people well, and to fully embrace the gifts God has given me to serve Him? Would that be enough? What if my life goal was to simply run the race, to be called a good and faithful servant at the end of it all? Maybe that would mean marriage and children along the way or a thriving career, but maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe the best the Lord has for me is not marriage or a thriving career. Please know, I really do want it but maybe He has something else in store for me? If His plan for me is not getting married, then do I go about the rest of my life as if I missed out on something and always hoping. Have I failed and not reached the best if I never marry? I don’t think so but it sure feels like that sometimes. You see, for me, it isn’t a spouse that completes me nor should it ever be.
Christ is the source of everything we need and the Giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.
What if we learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have. If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.
When you ask when I’m getting married, I don’t have an answer for you. When you hint at me having kids, it takes self-control to continue to be content with where the Lord has me. When you ask these questions, it doesn’t help me grow. It doesn’t help me feel content. It does more damage than you may realize. You see, just as being in a relationship can be hard, sometimes being single can be really hard, too. Being a single within the church is difficult, not always, but sometimes it’s really hard. I know you’re just trying to make conversation or small talk, or maybe you’re genuinely interested in my life. For that, I’m very appreciative.
I would like to suggest one thing, though: instead of asking me what’s next, ask me what’s now. Ask me what God is teaching me, ask me what I’m struggling with, what brings me joy, or how I’m serving God. I am learning, I am growing, and I am happy. I would love to tell you all about it. Talking about what I don’t have or even foresee having does me little to no good.
I am 26 years old. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have children. I don’t have a career. I don’t have what people expect I should have, but I am abundantly blessed with absurd, exhilarating, and fantastic things I would have never dreamed up on my own and if I were married. His plan is far better than my plan and my prayer is that they are hand in hand.
“Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He will give us the desires of our heart…a spouse, house…mouse (got on a rhyming phase). If we really take delight in the LORD the desire of our hearts becomes Him and not materialistic items or people. Take that ChristianMingle and your out of context verse you casually use as a slogan.
So please, my dear friends, don’t ask me what’s next because I don’t know. I’m simply trusting His plan. Ask me what’s now, I can answer that.
