October 25, 2012
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BSF
Bible Study Fellowship (for those that don’t know what that stands for).
This year has been an incredible challenge for me to say the least.
Don’t get me wrong, I actually really love the study, as I mentioned in my last post. Genesis and I are really resonating and I’m loving teaching it in Sunday School (although the study and lessons don’t coincide). As much as I’m challenging myself to look deeper into text “I know and have heard a million times before”, I’m able to turn that around and challenge my 5th grade girls to do the same. I love that and find richness in that.
So where’s the challenge?
People. My group. If you know me at all, I’m heavily invested in people.
At first Ali (Anna’s sister) and Emily (another friend of mine) were in my group. Ali dropped because of work and Emily will be finished in November due to getting married. Heavy sigh, for real.
For the first 4 weeks, I didn’t utter a word. Well, I tried but wasn’t able to finish a sentence. Week 5, I decided I would at least walk away answering 1 question. I needed a goal. I had pre-chosen the question and was determined to answer. I did. It doesn’t seem like much but it was and I did the same for week 6.
We only average about 6-7 per week, which means I should probably be answering more than a question. But it’s close to impossible. I was placed in a younger group and I am alone on the older side of it. It’s evident. But I’ve been really making an effort at trying to build something – some sort of relationship. It’s almost laugh worthy how awful it has been going these past 6 weeks.One week, the leader left a voicemail thanking me for all my sharing and how she has enjoyed getting to know me through them. That was incredibly impersonal to me.
Week 7. This past Tuesday night. I was just not feeling it for multiple reasons but knew it was because of those reasons, I needed to go. The drive to BSF was spent in prayer. Upon arrival, I sat in my car…praying.
We ventured over to Psalm 34 in our study of Genesis 5, which what do you know, coincides with calling out to the Lord and prayer. Not a coincidence. And what I got from it was not what others got, which is not abnormal.
I will extol the Lord. I will glory in the Lord. I sought the Lord. Fear the Lord. Seek the Lord.
Calling upon Him is about Him, not us. My challenge to myself during the week was to pray more specifically this way.
I really didn’t want to go, I mean really. I didn’t want to put the effort in to be left empty handed again. I got out of my car, anyway. I sang the end of the song I walked in on, anyway. I participated in discussion, anyway. I answered 2 questions. The group was mellower this week probably because they really thought there was nothing to gain from Gen. 5 genealogy.
I got in my car feeling so-so about the night, a common theme this year. Upon parking my car in the garage, I got a text from my leader thanking me for my sharing. Still being a little cynical, I wondered if she sent that to everyone but just knew she didn’t. She meant it, which as little and small as that act was, I needed it. It left me feeling acknowledged in the group for the first time.
If that wasn’t enough, something (kind of) that was said during the lecture has been on my mind quite a bit the last month or so. I woke up thinking about it Wednesday morning (3:30 am) and decided to do something I never do. Have a status about something other than the nephews.
["Blood is thicker than water" obviously but what I hate is this is used more often than not when defining "family". If this was true and I don't believe it is, I'd have no family. Blood doesn't define family and quite honestly, in the physical and spiritual realm, I'm thankful for that.]
I was kind of shocked by how many likes it got. I wasn’t expecting that. The status really had nothing to do with the lecture but later in the day, I got an apology from the teaching leader. I should’ve thought further into how that may have been read. After a double sided apology, which we both insisted were unnecessary, an unexpected open and honest dialogue began.
It’s humbling the things God is able to do when you stop making things about yourself and more about Him.
Joy. Again. I’m thankful. Again.
I almost titled this blog Joy, Joy, Joy to commemorate the third consecutive joy post but figured it probably wouldn’t be read, if I did. Not that I have any consistent followers anyway. Until next time.
