June 14, 2012
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Elderly.
All growing up, I’ve enjoyed spending time with older people. I’ve always been drawn to them –probably and most honestly because they weren’t my peer. They’ve lived more of life and could give insight into life.
This past weekend, I visited two friends. I had planned to meet a friend from my semester in California half way between where we lived but for some reason, it didn’t work out and she asked if I would come all the way. I decided to stop half way in Spring Arbor and 2 out of the 3 people I wanted to see/I knew would be there were 82 and 94.
The first woman is Esther.
I met Esther because I responded to an email ad sent through SAU for an elderly woman in the community that needed help with work around the house. It must have been in the Spring (when basketball was over) of my Junior year, otherwise I wouldn’t have had time. Only God knew upon meeting her, a friendship would develop. She’s a wonderful woman (never married) who has used her time on earth serving God. She’s the youngest of 11 kids with a 23 year age gap. Her mom was 48 when she had her. Her family was poor – really poor. She and most of her siblings worked harder than I ever have and were able to make a life for themselves. Esther taught at SAU for 36 years before retiring and has lived in the same house for nearly 50 years. This blows my 24 year old perspective out of the water and I’m thankful for that. I need to be reminded how small my perspective is from time to time.
The first year I allowed her to pay me against my wishes. If you know me, you know I can be stubborn – especially when it comes to money. Elderly can be more stubborn. 99% of the time, it isn’t worth arguing – let them win. I just hated that I was doing “easy” work for me and she was paying me out of her pocket. It didn’t seem right. The next year, I told her I’d only help if she didn’t pay me. I was shocked she agreed. Although this weekend she made reference to how awful she stills feels about that.
I loved my time with her during the year. It was completely separate from college and as much as I loved college, it was nice to “get out”. I’d type up her stories she’d write out about her life, help with her computer, weed, I laid a brick path – typical yard work. She would have me for dinner – in fact, one time she tried to set me up. She had a dinner party. 2 married couples, myself and not 1 or 2 but 3 single guys from the college. To this day, I’m unsure how she found them. Needless to say, that was an interesting dinner. I went to a couple plays at Jackson Community College with her where the youngest person other than me was probably 60 years old. She loved introducing me to her friends and it was always obvious that she was beaming with joy that I’d spend time with her.
Upon calling Esther to ask if she would be in town (she travels a lot) and if I could stay with her. She continued to repeat over and over again, “I’m so tickled you’re coming.” How can you not love that? When I called to confirm this past week, I told her I was hoping to see Bethavery as well. Her comment was I know a Bethavery but I doubt it’s the same one. I chuckled and refreshed her memory that it is the same one. How many Bethaverys do you know that are college age? None.
Upon arriving, she gave me a gift. A graduation gift since I never came back for it. The gift was an SAU Nike hoodie, keychain and car decal. We chatted a bit and went out to dinner. Naturally it takes much longer than a normal meal when eating with an 82 year old. 2 hours for her to eat a salad, not to mention the restaurant was loud – which meant kicking up my volume all the more (that can be exhausting to practically be yelling). The check came and because she was so concentrated on her salad, I was able to pay and sign the check without her noticing. She was actually pretty upset that I did that and continued to bring it up through the night and next morning. It was least I could do after getting a gift and her letting me stay with her for the night. We got home and went for a mile walk, I helped her with her computer – you know, showed her the important things like how to enlarge your screen, write an email and showed her how she knows if she’s at the bottom of a web page. She continued to thank me, telling me others have tried to teach her these things but I’m just a good teacher and was being very patient with her. She then talked until 10:30 PM – I was draining quickly and she was still going strong. I’m actually the old lady, not her. I genuinely think it’s because she rarely has someone to really talk to and she takes advantage of it. She has lived a life as a single woman but from what I’ve gathered, if someone knocked on her door who she had interest in, she’d get married. It’s fascinating to listen to her talk about how she was in love once and how things didn’t work out. As much as I respect and loko up to Esther (because I do), I hope I’m not 82 and single with no kids.
5:30 AM morning came a little too quickly for 6:15 AM breakfast. I was not waking up any earlier. Breakfast took about 3 hours which included devotions and 45 minutes of praying. It’s amazing to me to hear her at 82 years old talk about things she struggles with and it yet again hits me, I will always have something to work on and learn. I love that. Then we prayed –she wanted to pray conversationally, which I’ve never done before or heard of. The first 5-10 minutes I wasn’t exactly comfortable with it but finally made the conscience decision to 1. not keep opening my eyes and looking at the clock 2. not think about what I was going to pray about as she was praying but to really listen to her. Conversational prayer, at least to how she introduced it was just praying back and forth about anything. It wasn’t bad nor good, it was just different. Any form of communing in prayer with another person has always been something I secretly or not so secretly enjoy. Our time ended with another mile walk and another discussion about how she couldn’t believe she didn’t see me pay. She sent me off with these parting words to tell my friend in Indiana, “Tell your friends she’s blessed to have a friend like you.” I laughed and said, I don’t think that will be received well.
Then it was off to see the 94 year old.
My senior year I was part of a class that put on the first annual Forget Me Never (based off the Elvis song). It was the brainchild of one of the two professors of the class. Sadly the one professor got incredibly sick and almost died that semester. The other professor, who was actually an art professor and wasn’t being asked back for the following year did not take the project seriously. Not wanting to see the “project” tank, I took the reigns and put this thing on. It was a lot of work on top of my other classes and DRAMA with the other professors telling me to grow up (feel free to read his email –that was a good time of testing in my life).
That aside, the entire premise in a nutshell was video interviewing elderly in the community about their lives, editing it down to a 5 or so minute piece and have a Red Carpet Premiere with their family and friends to honor their lives. Photos can be found here if you’re interested. The thing I loved about it is that we were honoring lives that typically wouldn’t be honored but deserved to be.
I was assigned by the Professor that got sick the current President of SAU’s mother. Gulp. Upon calling her, she was short and rude with me as I tried to explain the idea a little bit and she hung up on me mid-sentence. Dorie, the professor gave her to me because she knew I’d do a good job – in that moment, I felt like I had disappointed her. Dorie was much more than a professor to me and to many other students – it was hard to see her go through what she did and she missed the event (which she so desperately wanted to make).
Anyway, God had a reason for that hang up.
That reason was Bethavery Voller.
If you know me, when it comes to people, I can’t look at them as an “assignment”. So going over there, I would do what I needed but off camera we’d talk for …hours. Well, she would talk for hours and I would listen. I didn’t mind one bit. I love listening to stories of other people’s lives. There is so much to be learned and gleaned, if we’re willing to listen.
I called up Beth a couple days ago, not knowing if she’d even remember me. Her first comment was, “Are you in town? If you are, please stop by.” That does a heart good.
As much as I think these women have been blessed by me, it is I that is blessed by them.
When they die, a book or news articles probably won’t be written about them and they won’t have quotes written over their faces and posted to pinterest. It won’t make national news, nor will it be talked about around the world.
And most honestly, this post was long and irrelevant to most – if you even got through it.
But to me and others around them, they’ve made a difference. A long lasting one. They have done things in their lives that matter on an earthly level but more importantly a Heavenly one.
That’s the kind of legacy I can only hope to leave behind. I want to preach the gospel with my life, like these women have done so faithfully.
