February 5, 2012
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Leaning. Leaning.
Am I Too Content?
Along with basketball, my mind has been quite focused on this question - especially this week.
In the last month, mom has presented many different ideas for my life.
As in career paths.
Israel.
Bolivia.
India.
Amway.
West Cannon.She drove me to my basketball game on Monday with expectation to talk to me about this as well. I knew it was an expectation because she told me she planned to talk to me. Thankfully one of my players asked for a ride to the game - so the window of opportunity was a small one, after we dropped the player off at her house until home. At that point, my mind, my body, my being was simply tired - so I listened patiently wishing this conversation would have held off a month.
Something she said stuck out to me. "You could forever change your life." My first thought was do I want to change my life? To a point, I can see where she is coming from looking on the other side of the road, seeing a world of opportunities for me and wanting me to take advantage. I understand that. Kind of. I don't want to be selfish and say this is my life but it kind of is.
I went to sleep Monday with this and basketball on mind. My thoughts were jumbled but mostly I kept thinking, I love the life I'm establishing.
BSF
West Cannon
Coaching
WorkingBuilding relationships. And to leave.
Is that wrong to be glad where your life is? Should I be exploring the world, traveling and living up the prime of my life.
Then, Tuesday morning at work, I receive an email from my uncle, the boss of the company. Subject line reads, "We need to sit down - when you're ready" with nothing in the body of the email. Instant panic. Did mom talk to him? Is he going to tell me to move on? Talk about a stomach in knots, probably more so because of a 4 AM alarm and being wrapped up in basketball. My mind is constantly active.
Up to this point at Wynalda, I've been at Wynalda but through a temp agency because at the time of my hiring, I 1) didn't know I was going to be hired, let alone full time and 2) things were pretty undefined. Anyway, he presents an opportunity to be full time in a different area through Wynalda while still working on web work. In essence, thinking more of a in the future type of thing. I kind of laughed at the timing of it. We then discussed pretty deeply my life and how I've really settled in GR. Settled not being used in a negative light. We then discussed quite a bit about a friend who has been traveling quite a bit and how that's not the life I see for myself. When I came back from LA, I would've said differently and actually I did. The world was mine for the taking - I could move anywhere and do anything, if I wanted. I came to the conclusion, for now, this is home. Not because it's comfortable, even though for the most part it is. But this is where my life is - this is where in the past year, I've begun relationships through church, BSF, Algoma and this is where God wants me. I believe that wholeheartedly.
It's no coincidence the last couple weeks up to this one I had been replaying over and over again, Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. I've found myself reflecting on the lyrics I had been bellowing out in my car.
What a fellowship, What a joy divine
Leaning on the everlasting arms
What a blessedness, what a peace that's mine
Leaning on the everlasting armsLord I'm leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms
Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting armsOh how sweet to walk in the pilgrim way
Leaning on the everlasting arms
Oh how bright the path grows from day to day
Leaning on the everlasting armsWhat have I to dread
What have I to fear
Leaning on the everlasting arms
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near
Leaning on the everlasting armsJesus, Jesus how I trust you
How I proved you o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for Grace to trust Him moreHere's to having faith and grace to trusting Him. Really trusting as I'm unsure what's next for me but know confidently and cliche as it is, He has a plan.
I lean faithfully in His everlasting arms.
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